Friday, September 18, 2009

Sympathy for a Devil

This author has been accused of promoting hatred of Mohamadans. I have been criticized for automatically concluding that Islamists are guilty of committing acts of war and terrorism against the Free World. "Never mind that the overwhelming number of bombings across the world, both of the suicidal and homicidal varieties, occur in furtherance of the jihad," say Islamists and their useful idiots. So do they have a point that the goons holding a Koran in one hand while torching churches and the Christians inside them or while vandalizing Jewish-owned business or cemeteries did not constitute a concerted effort by Islamists to attack infidels? In an attempt at cultural sensitivity, conflict resolution and reconciliation with Mohamadans, I will serve as the defense attorney in the court of public opinion for Najibullah Zazi, the Mohamadan in the United States recently arrested for involvement with a terrorist plot targeting New York. (

Has anyone considered the possibility all of his secretive dealings were an effort to surprise New Yorkers? On the eighth anniversary of the jihadist attacks on the World Trade Center, maybe he was planning a citywide gift distribution. After consulting a list of traditional gifts for anniversaries, Zazi could have been secretly arranging the placement of improvised explosive devices in pottery or bronze receptacles through the city. The residents could have been greeted with lovely gunpowder-fueled displays spelling out "I heart NY" in shrapnel. Perhaps he preferred the modern suggestion of lace or linen so we can deduce what he had in mind: new burkas for every woman in the city! So, FBI, are you happy now that you ruined the surprise for everyone? What a bunch of spoilsports!

Did the FBI consider the possibility that Zazi's reference to an actual, planned wedding was, in fact, legitimate but just not recognized under the American legal system? News out of Sudan showed that Islamists do not discriminate against people with an alternative sexual orientation( relativists certainly should demand that the FBI display a higher level of tolerance for this cultural aspect of Islam, in addition to other cherished Islamic practices like female genital mutilation, wife-beating and murder of rape victims. Once again, Americans have demonstrated their bigotry toward sexual minorities!

Undoubtedly, people in the United States will label Zazi as an "extremist" or a "radical" adherent of Islam. A more unfounded accusation could not be hurled at him. Zazi has faithfully devoted himself to following the tenets and commandments of the Koran. He has not strayed into un-Islamic activities like befriending infidels, repairing vandalized churches or synagogues, protesting against terrorism, composing music or creating works of art like sculptures or portraits. Therefore, those who have besmirched his allegiance to Allah should acknowledge Zazi's commitment to true Islam!

Is it too much to ask for Americans to view the situation from Zazi's point of view? We should consider his unease about seeing his relatives for the upcoming the celebration of Eid al-Fitr. He would have had to face yet another plethora of irritating comments from his parents such as "Your older brother Mohamad killed three infidels and one apostate during Ramadan. That's more than you killed all year! Even your younger brother Mohamad martyred himself last month. Why can't you stop being such a slacker and act like your brothers?" Due to his shirking of his responsibilities to Allah and Mohamad, Zazi's parents will not give him that brand new explosive vest on which he has had eye for months now. Instead, he will have to settle for a box cutter as the gift from his parents. That kind of torture would not be permitted by the United Nations yet we expect that this young man to suffer like this? Have you no heart, Americans?

I would like to offer a compromise. We should allow him to behead a few members of Code Pink or the John Adams Project to placate his demanding parents. The members of those groups would just blame the slayings on George Bush, Israel's existence, global warming or any other culprit except for Islam. So what would be the problem?

In conclusion, I wish to all my devoted Mohamadan readers, HAVE AN EXPLOSIVE EID AL-FITR!